I still can't believe it...

I sat there and watched my patient's heart rate climb in to the 150's and 160's at times, and I didn't do anything. I just sat there and watched it happen like nothing was wrong. That can't happen ever, and I let it happen.

And of course when you try and talk about it with someone you hope will at least try to make you feel better, they completely fail and make you feel worse.

I just don't know if I should be allowed to be a nurse. Who would ever allow me, to be a nurse, if I can't even let someone know that my patient's heart rate is too high.

I just don't know about anything anymore.

So last night was pretty interesting. So one of my patients had a history of A-fib and I guessour floor can take people who are med-surg but are also tele patients at the same time, but they have ot be stable enough for med surg to handle. So we had this lady who had been on our floor for about three days and her heart was great. Then the cardiologist came for a consult, requested med-surg tele and suddenly she is in A-flutter or so the rapid response nurse said. Here's the thing though, I didn't even think to say anything cause, for a breif moment, forgot that HR of 150 is NOT ok for an adult. I felt like such a bone head. So my nurse looked at her on the monitor and asked me if I saw that and I said yes but had no explanation as to why I didn't say anything and she said it was ok cause our patient was asymptomatic but that if I see something like that again I need to tell her cause whoever it is needs to be moved to tele. So I said ok and we got it all taken care of and we moved her. Total "my bad's" of the preceptorship: 1. After that nothing too exciting, until I had to go pee and of course someone on tele would code while I was peeing. The first opportunity I have ever had to see a code in real life and by the time I see what's happening and get to the end of my hall which looks right into the room where the code is happening, 50 million people are in the room and in the doorway so I can't actually see anything except the crash cart and the person who is doing compressions and everyone else who is standing. It made me wish I hadn't gone pee, cause the last place I was, was standing down quite close to the room where it had happened, and if I hadn't had to pee...They brought the person back and took them to ICU so hopefully they will be ok.
I know that it is wrong that I am upset about not seeing the code like I wanted to, but I want to work in an ICU setting, where people just might code and I just once, want to be in the room to see what goes on so that way I don't feel so afraid when one actually happens to me. I guess it'll just be a waiting game.

SURVIVED MY FIRST NIGHT SHIFT!!! YAY!
It wasn't bad and I knew it wouldn't be I just didn't want to do it. If I had to work med-surg as my first job, I guess I could do it if I worked nights. If there are no night admissions then everything is great. Everything gets done by about midnight and then there is time to chart and then stuff starts up again around 3 or 4 am. I could take that 3-4 hours "break" if I had to work med-surg. The only thing I don't like is the 5 or 6 patients that each nurse has. Definitely not my idea of a good time, but at night, it's not too bad I guess. I took last night as my test shift, to make sure I was oriented to everything I needed to know. My hospital does paper charting for meds, vitals, assessments, I/O and notes, which is so backwards for me cause I've only ever done computer charting and on the computer, if you mess up you can hit delete. On paper, not so much. It was an odd learning curve for me but next week I'll be ready to take on one patient. By Saturday 1/30 I'll take three and then hopefully by the beginning of Feb I will be good enough/comfortable enough to do absolutely everything for all 4 or 5 of her patients. =/

I don't work again til next Wednesday cause my nurse took PTO which for me will be nice cause then I can get some homework done and make sure that all the paperwork that she needs from me is in order the next time I see her. And I can also be prepared to write nurses notes. I've never been good at those so I need to practice before I get back to the floor.

As far as working nights, sleeping days goes. Put a fat black sheet over your window and call it a day. Totally helped me and I actually got more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I think if I work nights for reals I will buy blackout curtains.

Well my cat is snoring on my bed and I'm flippin starved. Off to find food.

Today would be the first day of my new blog. In high school I had a livejournal and sometimes I go back and read it but there are a lot of memories there that I can't always look at. So I figured I start anew.

Today would be 1/18 at 22:45...which means that tomorrow at 1900 I start my first or 14 shifts at St Mary's. I'm on a med-surg floor so nothing super exciting to do but standard stuff. Plus, I have a feeling I'll be wanting to fall asleep around this time when all the meds are done and the patients are all sleeping cause that's about all med-surg consists of at night right? Hopefully it'll be more exciting than what I think it is cause I would honestly hate to spend 14 shifts not really doing a whole lot and not improving any of my nursing skills.

In other news...I think I'm moving to Texas after graduation. Probably the San Antonio/Austin area but that is still being debated. I'm also a bit nervous for that as well. I mean if I get a job in San Antonio then that would be cool cause I know Anthony will be there and at least I would know someone but what if I don't get a job there...then what? I start in a new city all alone. I'm not the type to be alone, in fact I hate it. So this will definitely be a whole new experience for me.

Well...I shant bore you another second.
Toodles.
Kassie